I'm so torn. I love Dean and he loves and cherishes me. I know this. I wouldn't hurt him for anything. But how can I let T go now? I think T must be feeling much the same way. Yes, connections ... I know he felt it, just is I did. I suspect he is feeling as torn as I am. I could see it in his eyes. I could feel it emanating from him. I don't know how Dean and Barbie couldn't see it -- they must have had their "blurry" glasses on to miss it because I thought T and I were completely transparent. I know for the first few moments there, T and I were the only ones in the room.
I did think his wife was charming and lovely, but really, she's nothing to me, so if it weren't for Dean, I wouldn't hesitate. I don't know ... I'm afraid with T I'm weak. I do want it to go further, but I don't think I can do that to Dean; I don't think I could stand the guilt. Dean deserves better.
I'm not going to pursue anything with T, and I don't think he will pursue me either, because I'm sure he doesn't want to risk his marriage any more than I want to risk mine. I'm not going to cut him off either. I guess we can at least stay in touch. I will be surprised if he asks to actually see me in person though. But if he does? I just don't know.
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I don't know if you write this blog real-time, like I do, or if this story took place in the past. If not real-time, you can ignore this. :)
ReplyDeleteIf you're worried about falling into temptation that you're not sure you can handle, then it's probably not a good idea to stay in touch with him. I fully realize all of the reasons why it would be wonderful, believe me I do, but it's probably just asking for trouble.
Anyone who knows me (as Letch) would probably be SHOCKED that I'd say that; normally my advice is always to go for it. But I don't get the impression that you want to cheat, and it sounds like you're on a path that will lead you in that direction. If you keep in contact with him, you'll be taking active steps down that path, but if you cut him off, you'll cut off the temptation.
If you do see him, and end up in a hotel room together... please come back here and post details. :) (There, see? It really is Letch, not someone who stole his login.)
This really is real-time. Sometimes I write about things in the past, but this is happening right now.
ReplyDeleteI know better than to see T in person, but I really can't bear to lose touch with him again. We were lovers for so long, and due to stupid choices we finally went our separate ways. So much of that was my own fault.
I already lost him for so many years. We are emailing a little. We are keeping it light. We are NOT sharing our feelings. We are not talking on the phone, or in person.
In the morning, as I drive myself to work, I find tears streaming down my face because I'm heartbroken at this situation.
I cannot hurt my husband, so I can't see T. I know I won't have the strength to say no to him if he wanted to go to a hotel room, therefore I will avoid him. But don't worry, if I do run into him (by happenstance only), and we do end up in a hotel room, yes I will write about it.