Real-Time

This really is real-time.  Sometimes I write about things in the past, but this is happening right now.

I know better than to see T in person, but I really can't bear to lose touch with him again.  We were lovers for so long, and due to stupid choices we finally went our separate ways.  So much of that was my own fault.

I already lost him for so many years.  We are emailing a little.  We are keeping it light.  We are NOT sharing our feelings.  We are not talking on the phone, or in person.

In the morning, as I drive myself to work, I find tears streaming down my face because I'm heartbroken at this situation.

I cannot hurt my husband, so I can't see T.  I know I won't have the strength to say no to him if he wanted to go to a hotel room, therefore I will avoid him.  But don't worry, if I do run into him (by happenstance only), and we do end up in a hotel room, yes I will write about it.