How and why I got into the "LifeStyle"

In order to understand more about how and why I got into "The LifeStyle" ... that is "Swinging", or "Wife-Swapping", you need to know a little about my history.

I got married while I was still in high school because, well, I got knocked up.  Pregnant at 17, I got married when I was 4 months pregnant (I had just turned 18 one month before I got married).  

The man I married was the father, and he was quite the intellectual, and very easy on the eyes.  He had long blond hair and the most gorgeous hazel eyes.  He was extremely witty and had a great sense of humor.

What I didn't seem to understand was this; he was mean.  His wit and humor dripped with sarcasm and subtle insults.  Not to me, not at first.  But I later realized that he was mean to pretty much everyone else.  After all, he was superior, you see.  And everyone else was an idiot, as far as he was concerned.  And then after we got married, he was very angry with me, and I felt his wrath ... no, no, no ... he never hit me!  But he was verbally quite abusive.  

Our marriage is another story, for another time, but the point is, along with being mean, he was extremely prudish.  I couldn't wear short skirts or low tops, and if I left a top unbuttoned the first button or two, he would be sure to button it all the way up for me ... ever so thoughtful, you see.

It was very stifling.

Out of self-defense, I took a number of lovers (that's another story, too) during our marriage, but I would never have left him for another man.  I believed that marriage was until death do you part, and I had every intention of living up to my end of that bargain.  But we did, eventually, divorce, oddly enough because he met someone else.  

I took a few more lovers, until I got together with the man I am currently married to (more stories for later).  

_________________________________

I have a girlfriend, my best friend, who is a swinger, and I've known this about her and her hubby since long before I got divorced from my first husband (I never told my first husband because he would have forbade me from seeing her).  I used to listen to her tales with envy, thinking I could never experience anything like that, especially not with my current husband, and thinking how much I'd like to try it (the thought of two men at the same time was so exciting to me!). 

But then shortly after D and I got married, I told him about B, and her lifestyle.  He was intrigued (like most normal men), and we decided to go to a Halloween swing party.  When I say party, I don't mean a little house party, I mean a big, huge party, with about 300 couples at a hotel in the ballroom (no balling allowed!).  I got to dress sexy for a change, and go dancing, and enjoyed "group grope" on the dance floor.  The hotel staff was all agog.  Many of the guests had reserved rooms for playing, but we hadn't.  

No, we didn't play that night, but the door had been opened, and we were going to walk through eventually.  

More later ...

Discovering New Blogs

So tonight something really great happened, mostly thanks to Sultry_K (be sure to check out her blog at http://wantitloveitcraveit.blogspot.com/).

  

I checked out her blog, and it's good (juicy good).  And she's following a number of other good (juicy good) blogs that I checked out. As a result, I'm a bit wet right now, and just going to go play with my pussy for a while.  

But before I go, one of the blogs I'm now following talked about women being able to cum or not, or how easily or difficult it was for women to cum.  I personally am multi-orgasmic, and have been for a while.  I'll probably explore that topic next time ... why don't you cum and explore it with me? 

Oh, and another blog is about a woman in an "open marriage".  I happen to be in a similar marriage, but my hubby and I play together ... I mean in the same room while we're playing with others.  That sounds like another fun topic to explore.  

I think I'm going to have to change my blog now to "adult content" because I can tell that this is where I'm gonna go with it.  

What a stupid random question!

I clicked on give me a new random question, and this comes up:

Random Question: 

You forgot your mom's birthday! What can you make out of super glue and olive pits?

Is that the worst, or what?

Sad news about Nikki

I just saw a sad message from my best friend about her sweet little kitty.  She wrote:

HI:

 

We just learned today that Nikki has feline infectious peritonitis. It has a 100% mortality rate. At first her vet said she would probably only live 18 months (from birth), but it depends on the form she has (wet or dry).  She may live a bit beyond that if she has the dry form....there is just no way of knowing.

 

We are devastated....she is such a sweet kitty. This disease can be acquired from other cats, and I think she may have gotten it from the one of the other Second Chance cats she shared her cage with before we brought her home. Life sucks, and then you die, right?

 

B

My response:

Oh Sweetheart!  My God ... I'm sooooooooo sorry.  I cannot even begin to express how very sorry I am.  This is devastating!  She is so sweet.  

BTW, it isn't 100% that it will kill her.  In very rare cases some cats do survive it.  I wouldn't bet on it, but with love and care, and God's help, maybe she will.  I guess what I'm saying is be prepared for the worst, but don't give up hope.  

Are the antibiotics helping her at all?  Is she feeling any better, and was she able to come home? 

I love you, sweetie.  Call me if you want to talk.

S

Feeling a bit better today

This morning I was still feeling pretty bad, but as the day went on, I must have started feeling better without even realizing it.  Toward the end of the day, one of the employees came in to the office and said "Hi, how ya doin?"  And I smiled and said "Good thanks.  How are you?"  And just then I realized that I really did feel good.  What a nice change.

I'm not normally a depressed person; I'm typically one of those shiny, happy, people that everyone hates because they are always smiling.  In fact, my nickname is Smiley (to some people anyway).

So, I still have a lot of tension in my shoulders, but that really isn't that unusual.  

Here's to a better tomorrow!

Feeling So Sad

I'm just feeling so sad still after the crap with my ex-husband. 

When my husband came home (the good one), I was still feeling so devastated and crying.  D was so good and sweet to me.  He held me while I cried, then he ran the bath for me and lit candles, and it was so soothing.  After I got out, I took a half a Xanax (which I rarely take at all) and got into bed.  D gave me a wonderful massage ... my shoulders were in knots, and I felt much more relaxed by the time I went to sleep. 

But ... I still just feel so sad. 

How can that horrible man still hurt me so?  He's just not worth it, and I know this intellectually, but it hurts all the same.

I can't wait to go home and take another bath, and another Xanax, and just go back to bed.  An hour and a half and counting ...

I'm stunned ...

Letter I wrote to my ex-husband today:

I just got off the phone with A, and she told me the things you told her.  

First, I know you're feelings are hurt right now, and I was planning on helping you smooth things over with J.  

The main thing I'm going to focus on right now is the fact that you and L purposely and willfully destroyed our good and happy marriage.  You can pretend all you want that we weren't happy, but I remember very clearly that we were.  When you and I decided to get back together again, I asked you, "Do you want to get back together with me because you love me and want another try at making our marriage work, or are you doing this just because you think you should do it because J isn't 21 yet?"  You told me you loved me and really wanted to make our marriage work.  I told you that the only way I was going to get back together with you was (1) if J agreed, and (2) if you really were in the marriage for me because you love me.  I told you VERY CLEARLY that I would never get back together with you if you didn't feel that way.  You said absolutely, and I believed you.  I gave our marriage 100% from the day we decided to get back together, and I trusted you did too.  

No one was more stunned than I was when you told me you were leaving me, and that you had found someone else!  What happened to my honorable man?  I trusted you!  I always thought you were honorable before that, but then I discovered that you were NOT the man I thought you to be!  I even tried to get you back, went to the dealership to bring you home, but you had already left me, heart, body, and soul, and now I discover that you have told yourself, and probably anyone else you have talked to, that you and I got back together as a "BUSINESS ARRANGEMENT!!!???"  OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!  ARE YOU KIDDING ME???  This is a fucking lie!  I was in the marriage 100%, and I thought you were too.  If I had known you were coming back as a FUCKING BUSINESS ARRANGEMENT, I would NEVER have taken you back!  This "Business Arrangement" was all in your head!  

L IS A FUCKING HOME-WRECKER!!!  J TOLD HER THE TRUTH!!!  YOU LIED!!!  YOU AND L DESTROYED OUR FAMILY AND SENT OUR SON INTO A DEVASTATING DOWNWARD SPIRAL!!!  I FULLY BLAME YOU AND L FOR HIS SCHIZOPHRENIA!!!  HE WASN'T SICK UNTIL YOU DESTROYED OUR FAMILY!!!  YOU BROKE YOUR OWN SON!!!

NOT ONLY THAT, BUT I WAS SO DEVASTATED AT YOUR BETRAYAL OF ME AND OUR MARRIAGE, THAT I COULDN'T EVEN SEE MY FRIENDS FOR OVER A YEAR.  I STOPPED TALKING TO EVERYONE.  I HID FROM THE WORLD!  YOU BROKE MY HEART!!!  YOU BROKE MY SPIRIT!!!  YOU DEVASTATED ME!!!

AT J'S WEDDING, YOU HAD THE FUCKING NERVE TO STAND RIGHT NEXT TO ME AND TELL EVERYONE THAT YOU KNEW THAT FUCKING L WAS YOUR FUCKING SOUL-MATE THE MINUTE YOU FUCKING MET HER!!!  YOU FUCKING HYPOCRITE!!!  YOU FUCKING LIER!!!  DOES L KNOW THAT YOU TOLD ME THOSE SAME WORDS FOR DECADES BEFORE SHE CAME ALONG AND WRECKED OUR MARRIAGE???  DOES SHE KNOW THAT YOU HAD SECOND THOUGHTS ABOUT LEAVING ME FOR HER?  DOES SHE KNOW YOU PUT OUT FEELERS ABOUT GETTING BACK TOGETHER WITH ME, AND I TOLD YOU, "YOU'D BETTER MAKE IT WORK WITH HER BECAUSE I'LL NEVER TAKE YOU BACK AGAIN!"?

I couldn't believe that L made me fucking hug her at J's wedding!  What a fucking nerve, trying to make herself feel better for what she did, like everything was okay, and everything was forgiven, because she forced me to hug her or cause a fucking scene at my son's wedding.  I was willing to be gracious and give her a friendly handshake, and that was generous after she destroyed our marriage!  But I sure as hell didn't want to hug the bitch!

I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT SHE WROTE ON HER FACEBOOK PAGE THAT YOU TWO HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR 12 YEARS!!!  DOESN'T SHE REALIZE THAT SHE IS ADMITTING THAT SHE IS A FUCKING HOME-WRECKER???  AFTER ALL, WE WERE STILL HAPPILY MARRIED 12 YEARS AGO!!!  I REMEMBER!!!  AND NO AMOUNT OF YOUR LIES WILL CHANGE THAT! 

All she wants from you is your money.  You make money and she spends it.  She spent you dry.  And you let her, even encouraged her.  You're an idiot!

I'M OVER YOU, AND I'M MUCH BETTER OFF WITH D, BUT YOU ARE A LIER ... YOU ARE TELLING PEOPLE THAT OUR MARRIAGE WAS A LIE!!!  THAT'S A FUCKING LIE!  YOU'RE A LIER, AND I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT I'M CRYING BROKEN-HEARTED, AGAIN, DEVASTATED BECAUSE OF YOU!  BECAUSE YOU TURNED OUT TO BE A LIE.  BECAUSE YOU TURNED OUT NOT TO BE THE MAN I THOUGHT YOU WERE.  BECAUSE YOU TURNED US AND YEARS OF MARRIAGE INTO A LIE.  BECAUSE YOU ARE DISHONORABLE!!!  YOU'RE NOT FUCKING WORTH IT!!!

And there are so many more lies you've told, but I just no longer care.  You and your over-inflated ego.  Trying to convince yourself that you were so good, so righteous, trying to convince yourself that I did all these terrible things to make yourself feel better.  I just no longer care about those lies.  This lie was the whopper that topped all other lies, and I'm done.  

I DON'T CARE IF J NEVER TALKS TO YOU AGAIN!  I'VE TOLERATED A LOT OF THE CRAP I'VE HEARD YOU SAYING ABOUT ME, BUT I'M DONE!  I WILL NO LONGER TRY TO DEFEND YOUR BEHAVIOR TO OTHER PEOPLE, BECAUSE YOU TURNED ME, NO US, INTO NOTHING WITH YOUR LIES.  YOU ERASED US.  AND NOW YOU HAVE TO LIVE WITH THAT.

The last years of our marriage were good.  I loved you with all my heart, and thought you loved me the same.  I had no idea what you planned, what you were doing.  That old saying is so true, "The wife is always the last to know.".  So stunned by what you did.  So stunned ...

I don't believe in revisionist history, and you are nothing more than a revisionist so you can try to feel better about what you did, and what L did.

BTW, I know J has probably stood you up a time or two and maybe said a mean word here and there to you.  But I know you've done that to him so many more times than he has done it to you.  He is so filled with anger at you because you weren't there for him.  Because you were cruel to him when you were there.  Who can blame him for being done with you? 

I've tried being friendly to you, kind to you, and gracious with you, and even with L, but I'm done.  

C, I know this will hurt you, and I'm sorry for that.  I don't want to hurt you, but I'm just not going to pull punches with you any more.   

Don't call me again.  I won't answer, and I'll delete any voice messages you leave.  Don't write to me, I will just delete any emails and throw away any letters.  I just can't allow you to continue with your lies in my life.  If you would fess up and tell the truth, and own what you did, that might be different.  

And I won't try to help you mend your relationship with your son.  I'm done because I just can't let you keep hurting me.  And I just can't let you keep hurting J.  You're just not worth that pain.  L can have you.  You two deserve each other.

Don't contact me again.  And leave your son alone.  What a shame that you did this.  What a shame.